How much can I learn in one year?

It's hard to believe, but this time last year I was lying in the very same bed I'm in now (though I was typing on an older and busted laptop) saying over and over again to my belly, "I love you both, but please get the hell out."

My c-section had already been scheduled for March 15. I knew I was only a couple of weeks away, but I was miserable. I know every pregnant lady is miserable toward the end, but keep in mind my actual due date was APRIL 10. Twins come much earlier. Triplets even earlier. Quadruplets, well, you get the idea. The more you have in your litter, the harder it is to keep 'em in there the whole time.

Of course, I couldn't move. I could barely get up by myself. I knew the twins were measuring in, at 7 weeks before due date, at almost seven pounds. That's a lot for twins, especially for twins that early. Most twins that age measure in at around 4 pounds. Maybe 5.

I ALMOST resorted to wearing Depends. TMI? I know.

Anyway, in readying for my babies' first birthday party, I was thinking back on all the terrifying, crazy but mostly good events that happened during this pregnancy and first year.

• One of the first things that always comes to mind is a friendship I was able to make stronger during this time. I was down A LOT on bed rest, and when New Year's rolled around, I got a text from my friend Emma confirming that she was also pregnant. We had always been friends, but through this shared experience we were able to become closer and, I think, are much better friends. I honestly wouldn't know how to get through some days without texting her.
• When I first heard the news, I was terrified. But then I saw an episode of 16 and Pregnant where a teenager had twins, and I was totally, like, I can do this. I'm not kidding. That girl handled it like a pro.
• Then I started to look for the awesome things about having multiples.
• You get to play the "I'm pregnant with multiples" card for so much. I ain't lyin'. After I looked 6 months pregnant at only 3 months, people really were willing to do pretty much anything for me.
• I got to ride the electric cart at Wal Mart. No joke! I really couldn't walk farther than from the car to the cart.
• There was virtually no weight gain because I had two babies sucking it out of me. After giving birth, I was lighter than when I started.
• I got the bed to myself the last two months. I was too huge for there to be room for both of us.
• It was the one time in my life I wasn't concerned about being fat anywhere. I actually got a T-shirt that said, "I'm not fat. I'm pregnant with twins!"
• I got away with not wearing pants because I couldn't put them on. This prohibited me from leaving the house, which was awesome.
• I got to see my doctor all the time. And my doctor was so much fun! If you're in San Antonio and pregnant, go see Dr. Bryan Cox. He made me forget I was there because I was pregnant most of the time. He just treated me like we were having a beer and then gave me Darvocet to go home with.
• That's another thing about being pregnant with multiples. The pain is unbelievable. But they give you fun drugs to make up for it. And then they tell you it's ok because the stress of the pain will hurt your babies way more than the drugs ever would.
• Also, I got TONS of ultrasound pics. They did them in the same room where I had my checkups.
• I learned that you pretty much know which baby is which throughout the entire pregnancy. Fun little multiples fact.

So those are pretty much the pre-delivery fun facts. After you have the babies, it's a whole other story. Here's what I've learned in the past year.

• Two babies are sometimes easier than one. Sometimes. Mostly no.
• When they come out of the womb and you are not aware if you're having identical twins or fraternal twins, even in your doped-up haze, you will be immediately grateful if you got what you wanted out of that deal.
• The drugs are damned good. You really do get to pick which way you want to have your babies if you have more than one. I opted for a c-section, and I've never been happier with a choice in my life. It was a breeze for me. Some women don't have that experience, but I thought it way easier than the way I got Mitchell out!
• Having "preemies" sucks. My babies were 7 lbs. each, but they were technically preemies since they were born at 35 weeks. They sent Harry to the NICU because he grunted. He still grunts.
• Daytime commercials are all for places like "Career Point College". Thanks, Career Point! And daytime TV sucks so bad. Even the cable channels. Most of the time, I enjoyed sitting with the babies as they slept without the TV on. It's amazing what maternal bliss can sometimes do.
• Coupled with maternal bliss, you also get to deal with maternal irritation times 2. Or more. After I have a baby, I get this feeling of extreme irritation when anyone tries to touch me. That increased not by 2 but by about 2 million.
• The sleep deprivation is so much worse than with one baby. Even when you start out intending to get them on a schedule, it takes time to establish it. We didn't get the babies sleeping through the night for real until they were roughly 9 months old.
• Sleep training. Of some kind. You have to have a plan. When you have more than one baby, that means more than one person has to get up in the night. That means you can't hand the baby off to your spouse and sleep through the night. It's too much for one person to do alone.
• The attachment to two babies is so very strong. And the struggle to give them equal time is amazingly difficult. I have struggled with feeling more attached to Harry because he looks so much like me. It's an incredible bond to look at your child and see your own face. But then I look at Hank, and he has this smile that lights up his whole face. It's hard, but you come to the same place in the end.
• You HAVE to accept others' generosity. Whether it's a box of diapers (Thanks, Melissa!), babysitting help (Thanks, Shawna!) or female time away from the kids (Thanks, Lisa!), you have to depend on other people to keep you sane and operating at full force.
• Every baby really is different. I never understood this until I had two at the same time. They crawled at different times, they talked at different times, they held their own bottles at different times. It'll be that way throughout their lives, and I just hope I make them realize I love them enough that it doesn't matter who "wins".
• You can plan your whole life to have two kids and somehow magically end up with three.
• No, I wasn't on fertility treatments! I didn't do IVF! We weren't infertile! So sick of people asking me that.















• I'm sorry to anyone I ever asked in the grocery store, "Are they twins?" when I knew they were.

It's so hard to believe we're coming up on a year. We ordered the stuff for their birthday party last night. I'm seriously amazed I've been able to pull this off with them keeping all their body parts intact. And damn, they're cute!

Should I stay or should I go?

Whereas some moms get to carefully consider whether or not they choose the stay-at-home mom route or the working mom route, moms of multiples usually get that choice made for them. There's either a surprlus of money after the daycare that is essential to the survival of the family, or, quite simply, there's not.

For us, the choice is very simple. I have to work. And one of us has to work two jobs. That ended up being me this time around because I was the first to find a second job. That may change in the coming year, but until we know something definitive, I am the parent who is putting in the long hours and the nights away from home.

Most of the time, I'm ok with it. Tonight, I had an especially hard time.

It was my night off, and I'd really missed all three of my kids because I was so sick yesterday I didn't get to spend any time with them. This also meant I had to call in sick to my night job. So when my supervisor called today to ask if I could make up those hours, I grudgingly said yes.

It was all ok until I arrived at work and found out none of the regular employees had called in sick. I was in because our manager had called in sick. Our manager doesn't actually work with the customers. So they were actually not short any hands. And they were slow. So I got to leave at 7, which was 45 minutes after the twins went to bed.

So I had to miss time with my kids, essentially, for nothing. Now, I wouldn't mind so much if the people who were in charge of my scheduled time had any kind of respect for my family. But they seem not to, as they know I work Monday through Friday but rarely give me a day off on the weekend. This means I NEVER get a day off. That means my time with my kids is restricted to getting them ready for school in the morning and getting them ready for bed at night, on the nights I'm lucky enough to be home.

Tonight, I came home and cried. And I realized I was not alone. There are many, many working mothers out there who suffer with the same kinds of feelings I have. I don't think my kids are going uncared for. They have a fabulous father (one of them has two fabulous fathers) and they are so loved. They love me and call me Mama and hug me and kiss me.

It hits me hard because when Mitchell was a baby I had to work three jobs and go to school full-time. I was never with him. At least, until he was about two years old.

I swore I wouldn't put any more kids in that situation. And planning is great. Until God hands you more than one baby.

I can say, through all the work, trouble, guilt, exhaustion and tears, these two babies have given me more happiness than  I could ever describe. Plus, they make for really good pictures:

The Preferred Progeny Problem

I get asked MANY questions because I have twins. I got asked many during my pregnancy (Are you sure there's not more than one in there?), many right after the pregnancy (Man, do you ever sleep?) and many now that my boys are almost a year old (How much baby food do you have to buy, anyway?).

By far, though, the most common question asked to me (only by other mothers, add you, of one child) since having the twins actually has nothing to do with having multiples.

"Now that you have more than one, do you have a favorite?"

I'm not kidding. Many of my friends who have one child have asked me this question. The popular response, of course, is no, I love all of them equally.

And, of course, I DO love all of them equally. I swear. I brought all of them into this world with nothing but love and joy and the complete WANT to be a parent.

Having a favorite, though, has very little to do with how much you love your kids and everything to do with how much you like them at any given point. Growing up, I was one of 10 kids from 4 parents.

My mother and stepfather used to joke that my little brother was my mom's favorite and I was my stepfather's favorite. That just might be true, but, nonetheless, I know they loved all of us very, very much and still do.

I have four parents, and my favorite changes with what kind of mood each of them is in on any given day. The best answer I can give my friends of one child is that answer. My favorite kid is the one that I identify best with and makes me feel the best every day.

Some days, like today, Mitchell is mad that he has to get off the computer and Hank is having a temper tantrum and Harry just looks up at me and says "Mama" and reaches his arms out for a hug, and yes, he's my favorite today.

Yesterday, Harry was crying nonstop, Mitchell was complaining he couldn't have ice cream and Hank was curled up in my lap saying my name and hugging my neck over and over again. Yesterday, Hank was my favorite.

Lots of days, the babies are out of sorts and Mitchell helps me with EVERYTHING. And he doesn't complain. And after the babies go to bed, he curls up in bed with me with a book, and HE'S my favorite.

So the answer is, yes, you will have a favorite after you have more than one. It will just shift with the day. The reason I'm partial to Harry is because he looks just like me and he has the sweetest disposition and hugs me and kisses me. The reason I love Hank is that he has such an infectious giggle and a huge smile and beautiful blue eyes and looks just like his daddy. The reason I love Mitchell is because he's my miracle kid. Our time together didn't start out so great, but he's grown into a beautiful 8-year-old who is responsible and does his homework on time and gets good grades. He likes to read in bed with me. And he's so freaking smart. And he's the best big brother these babies could ever have asked for.

Having more than one child doesn't make you parse out the love you started with. It just makes your heart bigger so you have more room for even more love. It makes your life better, and it makes you a better person.

Benadryl or a shot of Bourbon?

Two weekends ago, this was the question I was asking myself when considering how to get my babies to sleep.

Yes, I was sleep deprived. Yes, I was agitated. Yes, I was somewhat out of my mind.

Instead, a great friend of mine was very luckily at my house and hauled me to the book store before drugging my babies... or getting them drunk.

Like many couples in the world, my husband and I were not on the same page. He didn't like to hear our babies cry. I didn't like it when our whole house suffered from sleep deprivation. I could understand both sides of the issue.

At the book store, I decided to browse before buying. Always a good tip when you're looking for a manual about babies. You want to find something that makes you comfortable but that you think your spouse can handle as well.

As parents of twins who share a room, our primary concern was one waking the other up while crying. So I knew I needed to find a book that would address this. I also knew I needed to find a book that didn't insist I coddle them. We'd been taking that route for months, and it wasn't working.

After perusing the selections at the first book store and finding NOTHING (you'd think they'd have books about twins out there... you'd be wrong) we asked the sales lady for help. She found ONE copy of a book titled "Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins". The book was at another location. She called over and had it held for us and we raced over to La Cantera.

Now, I must have been desperate because I HATE La Cantera. I hate shopping in general. But I braved the crowds and the bad parking and the entitled rich people using valet parking and hauled my exhausted butt in to find out how to get my babies to sleep.

The book was perfect! Perfect! It broke down sleep techniques into steps and even by age. So I was able to skip ahead to my babies' age to find out what to do if I needed them to sleep now. Like, immediately.

The solution was frustratingly simple: twins don't wake each other up when they cry. Seriously? We'd been racing into their room to pick them up at all hours of the night and it didn't even matter?

Turns out, folks, that this Marc Weissbluth, M.D. character is a freaking genius. Within three nights, we had my twin sons going down to bed at 6:30 p.m. with very little fussing and sleeping for 12 solid hours. My husband and I slept soundly all night in the same bed. It was like Heaven. We woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. We remembered we actually liked each other. And, remarkably, our boys' behavior improved a million times over. They were happy and laughing in the morning before day care instead of crying and fussy.

I don't want to make it seem like all of this happened without any bumps in the road. While the hubs helped me feed them a bottle and put them down, I had to be the one to monitor the crying. He just couldn't handle it. So he played games with M, our 8-year-old, while I monitored baby crying.

The first night, they cried for 37 minutes. It was a torturous 37 minutes. But it wasn't screaming. It was just crying. So I felt okay following this guy's advice. After all, he's both a pediatrician and a father of twins.

So I waited. And played Facebook games. And took Xanax. And then they fell asleep. One twin woke up and cried for five minutes in the night and then went right back to sleep. The other never woke.

The second night, they cried for eight minutes. Yes, you read correctly. Eight minutes! What an improvement! They slept all night and no one woke up.

The third night, they cried for four minutes.

The fourth night, I went to the kitchen to fix some water, and by the time I came back, they weren't crying anymore. Had to be less than a minute.

They've gone down with no trouble ever since. We are all sleeping, which is amazing. My husband's and my relationship has gotten stronger. We have more time and energy to play with our older son and the babies are happier than they've ever been.

Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth. If I win the lottery, you'll be set for life.

Legal drug addiction...

Here are my thoughts. This is gonna be a quick one.

I've had back problems since the babies were born, as I've written about before. They've had me on Vicodin. While I like the pain relief it provides me, I totally dislike having to call and beg for refills and pills. I think it's ridiculous. So three weeks ago, I decided I wasn't going to get my prescription refilled. I've been managing the pain through massage and stretching and relaxation exercises. Along with milder drugs, of course.

Today, my back was hurting so bad, I went ahead and asked the pharmacist to refill my meds without any expectations. What this usually entails, when I used to want the damned drugs at least, is a bunch of ridiculous steps that take a few days to complete.

So I wasn't expecting any relief today, but I thought, if I can get the pain under control before the pills come in, I just won't take them. If I can't, I'll just take them as I need them. I even asked for a smaller refill from an old prescription instead of the giant dosage my doc was giving me at the end.

Much to my surprise, I got a text from the pharmacy (Walgreen's does this, so handy when you have kids) saying my prescription was ready. I thought there was no way it could be right.

So I went over there. I had to pee really bad, so I didn't check the bag. Once I got home and got done peeing, I checked to see if they gave me the right thing. The idiots gave me double the prescription I was supposed to get! This is a powerful narcotic. Not only that, but they gave me a refill!

The question is, even though I'm not an addict, how damned easy would it be to become one if I wasn't even TRYING to get the pills very hard and I end up getting double. Seriously?

How did Christmas get here?

It simultaneously seems like an eternity and half a second since I had my C-section and brought these beautiful boys into the world.
We're so used to having twins that it would seem abnormal to have just one baby.
On the other hand, we're not so used to having them that we can do it without exhaustion and fights, mishaps and adjustments.
I suppose every parent has to deal with issues; on the other hand, I'm so thankful for these sweet babies. I'm so thankful I have three children, and they're all smart and beautiful and normal. I have healthy children, healthy babies, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Two of my close friends had babies this year and one had a baby who tragically died 90 minutes later. All three of these lives are, were, precious, and I celebrated with two while mourning with another. All three of these women are strong and wonderful mothers I'm thankful to have in my life.
Being a mom so changes who you are as a person. Christmas, for instance, is no longer about the gifts I receive (in fact, Ro and I skipped each other to give our children a better holiday this year) but about the joy on my boys' faces. For the first time, Mitchell had siblings at Christmas. He's been begging for them for years, and he was so excited he started wrapping up his own toys to give to his brothers. He went shopping with me to pick their presents, and he dragged every other adult in the world with him to the store to buy his brothers presents. I've never seen him so excited, and it's not even about gifts for him.
Tonight, Mitchell is with his dad, and the four of us are doing Christmas alone, without any family. Ro grilled steak for supper, and the babies were actually able to eat some. We gave them a bath, put them in their Christmas pajamas and gave them their bottles. They went to sleep peacefully, awaiting their first visit from Santa. Ro even made cookies for Santa.

It's weird with no extended family, but we are thankful for our own little brood, proud of our home we've built. This year, the best present I received was the success of my family, my marriage. Looking forward to so many Christmases to come.

December already?

It's almost the end of 2010, and I can honestly say, looking back, it's been the most eventful year of my life.
I started the year knowing we were going to have two babies before summer. Getting the news in September of 2009 that we were going to have two instead of one made me nuts. I've never reacted that way about anything. I screamed and cried in the doctor's office, and I seriously thought he was going to have to sedate me. It didn't take much time to get used to the fact, though, that I'd be going home from the hospital with two babies. The only fear was that they'd come too early or be unhealthy since that tends to happen with twins.
By January, my fears had been calmed. I entered the new year fairly prepared for what was only months away form happening. My actual due date was April 10, but we'd been told that if we made it that far, the doctor would do a scheduled C-section at 38 weeks. I didn't possibly see how I could make it that long. In January, the babies were already 4 or 5 pounds each, which was huge for that time in my pregnancy. It was estimated they'd be around 9 pounds if I went the full 40 weeks.
Around February, I began to get irritated with people telling me it would only get harder from here. I knew that! But I also knew that my body was hurting worse than ever before. I could hardly get out of bed, even to go to the bathroom, which had to happen quite frequently. The boys were stretching my belly to proportions I could never imagine it stretching. I had a road map of stretch marks covering my belly. My belly was measuring at 45 weeks when I was only 30 weeks. I hadn't gained very much weight at all, but I felt like a whale. The babies were sucking EVERYTHING out of me.
The beginning of March came, and even though I wasn't due for another six weeks, I began to wish I would give birth. Everyone told me I shouldn't be wishing for it so soon, but I knew they'd be ok. I could tell they were big enough, and the ultrasound tech told me she could see them "Breathing" in the womb already, which meant their lungs were mature. She estimated them at 7 pounds the morning I went in for what was supposed to be my 35 week appointment and monthly ultrasound.
I had began having bad contractions the day before. My parents were there to take me to the doctor, as they had been from the time I couldn't drive anymore. This was a big commitment, as I had appointments every week for the last few months. The morning my mom took me in for the appointment, I had an ultrasound at 6. The second the tech showed up (she was my pal... she did the ultrasounds the whole way through the pregnancy), she said, "Oh, honey, you're in labor."
She went ahead and did the ultrasound and insisted on wheeling me up to the doc's office. She parked me in the waiting room, and then went back to get my nurse. She saw me and immediately took me over the labor and delivery. What I didn't know is that there was a secret tunnel that led from the doc's office to the hospital! Very cool ride.
The boys were 6 lbs. 9 oz. each. Born that morning by C-section.
The first six weeks were so hard, I won't even go into it now.
I went back to work the beginning of May. Because of day care costs, I've had to work two jobs since the end of the summer to now. The time has flown by. I'm so used to being the mother of twins, I rarely even think it's difficult anymore.
When I do have just one baby at home, I often wonder how mothers of one baby could ever have anything to gripe about. It's so easy when there's just one. The hubs and I have definitely become much more of a team. We either had to be a great team or fail monumentally. It's one of those things that's either going to make you stronger or split you up.
I also had to have a hysterectomy at the end of August. I was totally ok with it. I have three beautiful boys, and I don't need to be pregnant anymore!
So much has happened, and with it being Dec. 1, it just runs through my mind what an eventful year it's been. Before I know it, they'll be 1. Their arrival has added so much stress to my life, but it has also added so much joy. Here's to a great last month of 2010!