On the verge of a new life. Maybe.

I've written about this subject before. It's a decision every mom has to make. There are so many reasons why women choose to do this or choose not to do this. I never in my life thought I would consider choosing the other side, but here I am, considering changing my whole life.

I am seriously considering being a stay-at-home-mom.

Let me start by saying one of the reasons I chose to do journalism is because I can write at my home and take care of my babies. I have never USED this choice in profession to stay at home with my babies. Well, I've got the last of my babies. We might adopt one in a couple of years if we have the money because I want a girl, and I've always wanted to adopt. And, of course, I can't have any more of my own. But for all intents and purposes, this could be it.

I'm lucky to have a really flexible job and a boss that's stood by my side ALWAYS (even when we went through a short period where he wasn't my boss, he remained my friend), so if I've ever needed to leave work for my kids, it's not a problem. I have an editor who, while he doesn't have any kids, is really good about realizing that I do and working around that.

But recently we've run into a problem. I have bad stomach issues. I won't go into the details, but I have a disease that causes parts of my gastrointestinal system to flare up, but I have always battled through it to be able to work. Now it seems like Harry, my older twin, might have inherited these problems.

The day care refuses to keep him if he throws up or has diarrhea. The stomach problems we have do cause both of these things, but they aren't contagious. That's why I don't understand why it's a problem. But apparently state licensing requirements mandate sending them home if they throw up at all and if they have two consecutive diarrhea episodes. This happens frequently with Harry. It's caused me to deplete my sick days. Not only that, but there are sick days I have to take for myself when I can't power through my own stomach problems.

Because it's a state licensing requirement, all day cares follow this rule.

This caused me a while back to begin thinking about the whole stay-at-home mom deal. I began to think about the money, and when I added up day care costs, gas costs and parking costs (because I work downtown, I have to pay for my own parking, and its' really expensive), we are actually paying money for me to work. So essentially, all these months, I've been working a second job to pay for the costs we incurred from me working a first job.

After that, I began to think about what I would do if I stayed home. I started digging for freelance work and discovered that there's so much more out there than there was since the last time I freelanced, which was roughly five years ago. I've already passed my resume and writing samples around and have been given permission to write for several websites.

Because of my employment now, I can't freelance, but if I quit, it opens me up to doing so much more work. I can be so much more creative in what I pick and choose. And on top of that, I get to be around my babies all day every day. I get to watch them grow up. I no longer have to pray that they don't grow up to choose to engage in sports or extracurriculars that I have no idea how I'm going to make time for. My children can have lives.

Sounds like my decision is made for me, but then the illogical side of my brain jumps in. I've had a job since I was 15 years old. I'll be 29 on Sunday. That's a long time. That's basically half my life. And for someone my age, that's not normal. I'm worried about my self-worth. I'm worried about having the title stay-at-home mom. Not that there's anything wrong with it. It's just that my self-worth has always been tied into what I appear to contribute to my family financially. And staying at home will make me appear to be contributing nothing financially.

Not only that, but I love my job. Love, love, love it. I love the people I work with. We've been together so long we're almost like a family. I can't imagine not doing my job. Or not doing it there. That's a big factor.

I have the rest of the summer to decide. Because Ro's a teacher, we don't have to pay for day care in the summer, so it just makes sense for me to keep working. I'll finally finish my master's this fall (thanks to my buddy Karen talking me into it), so I might teach in the summers from now on if I do quit my job.

So, I don't know what to do. All your thoughts and opinions are so welcome. I need to know what everyone thinks!