Sharing

There were many concerns on my mind when I found out I'd be having twins.

One of the biggest ones was wondering how I was going to give enough love to two babies. Every mother wonders how she will give love to a second baby when she already has one. I already had one, and I was wondering how I was going to give enough love to a second one when I got sucker punched with the revelation that I would be having two more.

So now there had to be enough love for three children when I'd only ever loved one. How on earth could I share?

I very quickly learned, before these boys were even born, that they would be forced to share everything in life. They received every gift addressed not to "Hank" or "Harry" but to "Hank and Harry" or "The Twins".

They got nothing of their own. This quickly inspired a project. They had to share a room, but I would, by God, at least let their beds be their own.

Because there were two more mouths to feed, I couldn't go all out buying stuff for them, which was a disappointment, considering they were likely my last babies. So I went to Hobby Lobby and bought cheap cardboard letters to spell out their names above their beds.

We bought their cribs secondhand, but each one of them had a crib. Each one had his own space in their room. They have been in the same beds since they were born, and I've never been prouder of a cheap, easy project.

I was watching them in the floor this past Saturday eating their snacks. They're now a year and change old and as they sat watching the Backyardigans, handing snacks back and forth to each other, simultaneously pushing their trucks around the floor and rolling a ball back and forth, I had never been prouder.

Hank and Harry, twins extraordinaire

At first I thought I was proud of them. They were sharing so nicely. Then I realized I had to be proud of myself. Those two have never had the chance to be selfish, yet they've also never wanted for anything. I've done a great job providing for them and at the same time limiting myself to the sometimes painful constraints of reality.

Sometimes I am surprised. I have a brother who is almost two years to the day younger than I am. Many people thought we were twins when we were younger. We look amazingly like my twin boys in our childhood photos. We are still amazingly close, so it shocks me how I never could have realized how much more my boys will get out of this relationship than I ever thought they could.

My brother Derick and me. We were two years apart, but lots of people thought we were twins. We have a really strong relationship.

After putting their relationship into context, and remembering my own with my brother, I realized I knew a lot more than I thought I did about how great it is that they can share so much. They will always share. They will share clothes, their room, their food, probably girls (ha!), a car, maybe even their first apartment. They will share joys, losses and they will probably be best friends for their whole lives. While they have to give up some sense of individuality, and I have to give up spoiling them as individuals, they are lucky. I am lucky. Our family is lucky. Above everything else, they share a bond and a love that can probably never be destroyed. Not only am I proud of myself, but when I put it in perspective, I find myself a bit jealous of those two as they carry on in their secret language...