Should I stay or should I go?

Whereas some moms get to carefully consider whether or not they choose the stay-at-home mom route or the working mom route, moms of multiples usually get that choice made for them. There's either a surprlus of money after the daycare that is essential to the survival of the family, or, quite simply, there's not.

For us, the choice is very simple. I have to work. And one of us has to work two jobs. That ended up being me this time around because I was the first to find a second job. That may change in the coming year, but until we know something definitive, I am the parent who is putting in the long hours and the nights away from home.

Most of the time, I'm ok with it. Tonight, I had an especially hard time.

It was my night off, and I'd really missed all three of my kids because I was so sick yesterday I didn't get to spend any time with them. This also meant I had to call in sick to my night job. So when my supervisor called today to ask if I could make up those hours, I grudgingly said yes.

It was all ok until I arrived at work and found out none of the regular employees had called in sick. I was in because our manager had called in sick. Our manager doesn't actually work with the customers. So they were actually not short any hands. And they were slow. So I got to leave at 7, which was 45 minutes after the twins went to bed.

So I had to miss time with my kids, essentially, for nothing. Now, I wouldn't mind so much if the people who were in charge of my scheduled time had any kind of respect for my family. But they seem not to, as they know I work Monday through Friday but rarely give me a day off on the weekend. This means I NEVER get a day off. That means my time with my kids is restricted to getting them ready for school in the morning and getting them ready for bed at night, on the nights I'm lucky enough to be home.

Tonight, I came home and cried. And I realized I was not alone. There are many, many working mothers out there who suffer with the same kinds of feelings I have. I don't think my kids are going uncared for. They have a fabulous father (one of them has two fabulous fathers) and they are so loved. They love me and call me Mama and hug me and kiss me.

It hits me hard because when Mitchell was a baby I had to work three jobs and go to school full-time. I was never with him. At least, until he was about two years old.

I swore I wouldn't put any more kids in that situation. And planning is great. Until God hands you more than one baby.

I can say, through all the work, trouble, guilt, exhaustion and tears, these two babies have given me more happiness than  I could ever describe. Plus, they make for really good pictures: