What a good friend is

Since I've added two to my brood in the last year, I was thinking today about what it means to be my friend these days. With two babies, you start to cut people out of your life. Not because you want to, but usually for lack of time in the day.

Everyone goes through this as a parent. You start to have less time in your life after you have children. You have less in common with the people who aren't parents who are your friends. This doesn't mean necessarily that you "dump" them (it's impossible to dump friends anymore because of Facebook), but you become more selective about who you hang around. The same things aren't important anymore.

I started thinking about what it means to be my friend these days. If you're lucky enough - ha! - you possess qualities that those who are no longer in my life all the time don't. This is what it means to be my friend:

• It shouldn't be difficult. I shouldn't have to worry about spending time with you. I shouldn't have to worry about offending you or hurting your feelings. I should be able to count on you at least some of the time. A person you consider your friend should make your life easier, not harder. And that should happen very naturally and without effort. Basic chemistry.
• We should have a lot of interests in common. I like to read, so my friends usually do as well, for example. This doesn't mean if you don't like to read you aren't my friend. It just means that many of my friends enjoy the same things I do, like drinking beer.
• You probably enjoy drinking beer.
• You probably have kids. Or at least are in a situation where kids are around you a lot, like if you're an aunt or an uncle or spend time with others' kids frequently.
• You can't be jealous of anything about my life and I can't be jealous of anything about your life. At least not seriously. I jokingly say I'm jealous of my friends who have maids, but... Haha. For instance, you can't be jealous I have kids and then go get yourself pregnant by some random person because you want kids so bad. That kind of thing. That's too Single White Female for me.
• You have to be able to spend time around me with my kids around. In turn, I have to be able to spend time with you with your kids around (if you have them). I love my friends' kids and love it that they love mine.
• You can't try to make me do things I don't want to do. I don't like to go out to bars very often anymore. I used to like to do that. I don't like it when some friends still pressure me to go out all the time. So I generally stop talking to them if they do things like that.
• When you're my friend, I genuinely want to do things for you to help you out from time to time. I would hope you would feel the same way if you are mine. And my friends have proven time and time again that this is the case.

In short, a friendship is a relationship. There has to be chemistry - a genuine LIKE for the other person - there. There has to be affection and communication. I know a lot of married couples who don't even seem like they're friends, and I wonder why people have "friends" who don't feel these things that I'm talking about. There is only a handful of people who I count as friends, who are in my life on a steady continuous basis, and I prefer it that way. And I love them.

The reason I started thinking about this is because one of my friends talked to me yesterday about how she had to let someone in her life go because the things I listed above just weren't there anymore due to some of the girl's actions. It's sad, but it's reality.

Then I started thinking about Facebook. Most everyone I know is on Facebook and has hundreds of friends. A real friend is so different from a Facebook friend, and I wonder if the people of the next generation can make that distinction since they're growing up with this stuff around and never knew life without it.

Me and my best friend!

I hope for their sake, they can tell the difference. I hope for my boys' sakes. I hope for my friends' kids' sakes.